My Little Stories

Lover's Quarrel - Sleep If You Can

2009-02-19T20:27:00.000-08:00

I just read a very nice article in Yahoo about the seven things that no one tells you about marriage. Most of them are pretty much common sense. We all know them although we tend to ignore them. Say for example - working hard for the marriage, discovering who you really are, etc. etc. But the one thing that really caught my attention was about the comment on handling couple's spats. You know... everybody says (and I heard it so many times from marriage gurus)..."Never sleep until you resolve your differences." Well, this doesn't really work for me right from the start as I am a person who keeps quiet when I am angry. It is always better to let me calm down first.. don't talk to me OR you'll just see how seething mad I am. So, it's comforting to read from the article that IT IS OKAY to go to bed mad. You don't need to pressure yourself to feel better and be noble just to show your dedication to your promise of "for better or for worse".

During the first few years of our marriage this was always our problem. My partner has this "old school" notion that married couple should try very hard to resolve their conflict as soon as possible. He wants to tell his side of story, then I tell mine, then we'll analyze why a conflict happened in the first place. Geee... his side of story would ALWAYS be wrong from my point of view when I am mad. So, for me, there is no point of being so objective about the whole fight when all you have are all emotions? Believe me, when you have all these anger in you, you can't hear any reasons at all. So, why not let all emotions run low? Calm down. Stop talking. Be quiet. And sleep if you can. This always works for me. The next day is a better day. I can talk. I can think. I can smile a little bit or maybe laugh on how silly the reasons why we fought in the first place.

In our several years of marriage, I can no longer count how many times we fought. Some of them were even worse that we dare each other to just leave and give up the marriage. Nonetheless, we manage to patch up and say sorry... but this would be done the following day when all heads cooled off and all minds are ready to accept explanations. After all, how could you complain when your partner is a lot sweeter after every "lovers' quarrel" you have?

Remembering the First Kiss

2009-02-14T05:08:00.000-08:00

It's Valentine's day and a perfect time to talk about first kiss! A friend of mine told me that he remembers very well when his first kiss was and with whom. In fact, they are celebrating yearly the day of their first kiss. How very sweet of him!!! He's lucky, he married the girl who gave him his first kiss but unfortunately for most of us, we don't usually end up marrying the person that we experienced our first kiss with.

I feel bad NOT remembering when my first kiss happened. I do remember with whom, but not when, where, or how I felt about it. Even if I try to dig deeper into my memory, I just can't figure out when it happened. Maybe because my first kiss did not happen with my first love.... hence, I don't think it was important, or it mattered to me. I don't even remember the feelings. Yikes!!! I feel very unromantic.

I am very emotional and I cherish all the memories that I have with the "boys" in my life. But perhaps, I was not able to have my first kiss the way I want it to be, so it did not leave a good impression on me. I keep telling myself that it was probably special at that time, but as the years go by, there were better kisses that I've experienced than the first that's why I have forgotten all about it.

Well, to those who remember their first kisses... keep the beautiful memory. One day, your kids might ask you about it and you'll have a nice story to tell. You won't feel guilty (like me) that special moments such as this will just be forgotten. First kiss only happens once.... cherish it.

Have a very Happy Valentine's day!

In Praise of Miss America

2009-01-27T20:59:00.000-08:00

I had the chance to watch the Miss America pageant this Saturday. For awhile I was not really fond of watching beauty contests. For me they are shallow and are actually a way of taking advantage of young ladies. Pageant promoters, advertisers, and any other groups that have financial interest in the show are probably more winners than the crowned queen herself. Meanwhile, the girls are the ones doing all the work - going through grueling schedules of promoting the pageant while trying to stay beautiful under pressure. And what about the disappointments (and perhaps embarrassments) later when her name is not called to be part of the select group of ladies allowed to sashay more in front of the camera? After years of training and then weeks of smiling, and posing for photographers, that magic moment may not happen after all. All the girl can have is a 30-second fame when she introduces herself. What a shame!

Then I watched Miss America. I’d like to say I’m impressed with the ladies who participated in the contest. Not only that they are beautiful, they are also talented, witty, and in touch with what’s going on around them. Surely, Miss America has shown that beauty, talent, intelligence, wit, eloquence, physical fitness, and social awareness can be put together in one package. The contestants have eradicated the notion that beautiful women have nothing in mind but to be in front of the mirror all the time. The Miss America ladies have shown adeptness in current events and have expressed their informed views on most controversial issues facing each citizen at this time. This just shows that these ladies spent time to read, study, and research any issue that they are passionate about, while making sure that their physical bodies are taken care of and their God-given talent are honed. The ladies have toned physique – not anywhere near the anorexic built of some runway models and celebrities.

The only thing that I don’t agree with very much is the contestants’ continued insistence that Miss America is about scholarships. Yes, scholarships are part of the prizes, but it is not the main purpose for the contest. Otherwise, there should never be any gown competition, or swimsuit competition. All the contestants should do is to show off their talents and take oral or written exams to compete for the scholarships. Miss America is a beauty contest, period. But for me, it is a beauty pageant that has a purpose – to celebrate women, her powerful influence, and the great things that she could do. Congratulations to all Miss America contestants – each one of you is truly a winner.

Secrets.... how long can you keep them?

2008-11-16T13:20:00.000-08:00

I don't know what people see in me or know about me, but I always get the privilege of being a confidante or shall I say, a secret keeper. I'm happy to know that they trust me, but deep inside I feel the burden of keeping them. I'm glad I can hold a secret, but believe me, it takes a lot of effort on my part to make sure that they remain just like that - a secret. Whenever I am among common friends and they start wondering what's happening with somebody, the urge of spilling everything that I know is enormous. Usually what I do is to get up, go somewhere and avoid listening to all their questions and hypotheses, which would usually be so far from what I know.

The secrets that would be related to me would usually be life stories (whew!) - mostly indiscretions, and a variety of unrequited love, which most of you would probably be familiar with. But the cast of characters would usually be surprising and thus the need to keep them under wraps. I noticed that each story would have varied emotions while being told - anger, vindictiveness, jealousy, guilt, excitement, and from time to time, happiness. My friends would sometimes laugh at themselves for being stupid, and yet, recognize the fact that they cannot stop their emotions.

I think my friends like to tell me their stories because I do honestly listen to them. I emphatize with them and not offer a lot of my opinion. I let them pour out their gripes and let them shed some tears if they need to. We also would laugh together of funny situations that they are in and sometimes make fun of "what ifs" and "how abouts". However, having all this information in me is very challenging. You're always on guard while you're with a group, lest you blurt out something to a person who speculates too much based on what "he/she believes" or what "he/she thinks."

I must admit that I like to know the stories and am flattered by my friends' trust in my ability to remain steadfast. For years, I must have done really well in listening and not telling, otherwise I should have destroyed friendships and relationships by now by just sharing everything that I know. On the otherhand, keeping secrets are truly a burden. Sometimes, I just don't want to know since I feel responsible if I cannot help enough, or listen enough, or even put some sense in my friends' thinking. But then, how can you escape from being drawn to your friends' world at the time when you are being needed the most? I just hope that everytime a friend talks to me "about something", he/she's not going to say "please just keep this between the two of us."

The Word That Gets In the Way....

2008-11-10T15:04:00.000-08:00

…PRIDE, too much of it. It gets in the way of friendship, harmonious family relationships, and I’m sure you’ll all agree – a better handle of finances. There are so many stories about falling out of friendships and tearing apart of families just because of pride. Usually the reason for the spat would be so inconsequential. But with a dash of pride, the misunderstanding can be blown out of proportion. No one would concede defeat, and everybody wants to be right. Sometimes, rationality escapes and what’s left are hard feelings, bitterness, and anger. All because of pride.

I have seen so many beautiful relationships ruined because either party was too proud to make the first move towards reconciliation. Both would probably be waiting on the phone, but since neither would do it, they ended up being angry all the more until days and years gone by. They missed out what could have been a happy relationship. But then again, if you take a second look, people with too much pride seldom enjoy a happy relationship. So, maybe, that’s just the way it should be.

I had a conversation with a friend who was still pining for one lost love. I asked him why they parted. Surprisingly, he could not remember the exact reason why they fought. However, he remembered going back and forth and struggling with a dilemma whether to call his girlfriend or not. He thought he was not in any way to be blamed, but the girlfriend insisted on accusing him of things that he did not even understand. Years later, he still wonders what could have been if he just picked up the phone and called her.

I come from a culture where people love to compare themselves with others ALL the time. They would develop their choices and lifestyle based on the neighbor’s. So, if the neighbor renovates their house, definitely the other one would do it too. If the neighbor buys a bigger TV, chances are the following day, there will also be a delivery in the next door house of an even bigger TV. What about if the neighbor throws a nice party? The other house will think of anything just to have the reason to throw a much bigger party. Keeping up with the Joneses – it’s because of pride.

There was a time when I attended a very elaborate wedding. All the guests were awed by the entourage’s clothes, beautifully decorated grand reception hall, overflowing of wine and food, and great music. Everybody partied until early in the morning. I would have been very happy for the bride and groom for such a wonderful wedding. Only that I know how their finances look like. I wonder how they could afford such a very expensive party. True to my hunches, I learned later on that their families took out loans just to finance the wedding. The families will then spend several years to pay the amount used for a one-day, six-hour party. There goes again pride which comes hand in hand with showing off.

Our current economy forces us to reconsider pride. Most of us, who were mall goers before, already stepped in discount stores, thrift shops, consignment places, and of course, auction sites like e-bay. Vacation places became the nearby towns or the nearest beach or better yet, our house filled with rented videos. My idea of a grand vacation these days are places that our van can reach for a day. If I want a relaxing vacation, our house is the best place to be. I can sit on my TV set and have a movie marathon, read good books, or go around my neighborhood for a leisure walk. If I want to splurge a little bit, I’ll call up my friend and have a little party. For sure our karaoke will be put to good use while having a great time.

We need a little pride in us – to protect us from being trampled upon by other people. Pride gives us the confidence and self reward that we need from time to time. Pride helps us keep our principles and live by them. But as we all know, too much of everything is dangerous. Too much of pride might lead to disastrous circumstances. Thus, let’s check ourselves from time to time and reflect on our day-to-day activities. Are our actions and decisions guided by too much pride?

Do you have 10 things that you hate?

2008-11-01T21:35:00.000-07:00

I really don't know if I can count ten things that I hate, but for sure I have a lot of things that I love about the movie "10 Things I Hate About You." I am a romantic at heart and the movie just gives me the pleasure of feeling in love all over again. Julia Stiles and the late Heath Ledger brightened the screen with their relax, yet strong performance of two people who were looking for love. They were brought together by other people's own agenda. But as the song goes, "love comes from the most unexpected places", love, too, can come from the most unexpected person. The movie can be considered as made for teeny-boppers, but the way the story unfolds, even a 40 something can very much feel the love. But then again, it's based on one of Shakespeare's stories... so probably it's not really a surprise why the movie turned out to be wonderful.

I've watched the movie several times already and everytime I watch the scene where Heath performed a song for Julia in the stadium, I giggle and hope that a boy during our younger years had done that to me. Probably, I'll say "yes" to him to whatever question he might have asked. Well... it's good to think of something outrageous from time to time. It makes me feel young!
The best part of the movie though is the poem read by Julia... "But mostly I hate the way I don't hate you, not even close, not even a little bit, not even at all." Sigh. You can never hate the one that you love, even those that you thought hurt you the most. You may be angry... but never hate.

Oksana, please!

2008-10-24T18:46:00.000-07:00

Oksana who?! Well, that's Oksana Bauil, the golden girl of figure skating from Ukraine. She rose to fame in 1994 when she won the Olympic's gold medal in Norway. USA's Nancy Kerrigan placed second while China's entry, Chen Lu, got the bronze. Well, Oksana's popularity soared and along that came the usual pressure of being on top. Eventually, various stories put Oksana on the limelight, but this time , the news were unfavorable. There were stories about too much taking of alcohol, and other not so nice incidents. Her figure skating career followed a downturn and she eventually left the sports. However, her popularity seemed to remain the same. People remember her and are always interested in what she has to say or what she's up to. Later on she did came back to figure skating - not as a sportsperson but a performer. But I must admit, I like her because of her dancing prowess... she's just a sight to behold when she is performing. She's a great artist with elegance and grace.

Just the other day I saw an interview of Oksana at Yahoo. She has resurfaced and is promoting her own reality show. Still, Oksana possesses the charisma that a lot of people admired her for.

So why am I writing about Oksana here? Well, I want her to be in the Dancing With the Stars!! If anybody knows somebody on that show, please put Oksana there. Think about the drama, the intrigues and most of all the talent that Oksana will bring into the show. That'll be another exciting season... or maybe the most exciting of all seasons!

Economy and Lifestyle

2008-10-06T19:54:00.000-07:00

With the current economic situation, people are understandably nervous of what's going to happen next. It seems that the future of the working society depends on the future of the stock market. Most of the retirement funds are tied to various investments which are currently under enormous beating at the Wall Street. The only thing that we could do is to hope and pray that if we are truly in a cycle, we are now moving up, instead of moving down.

There is really very little thing that we could do if the financial gurus are playing with our retirement funds. We cannot let our money sit in a drawer at home hoping that one day it will grow. Once inflation kicks in, the value of our one thousand today will be reduced to just one hundred in a few years. Thus, we have to take on risks and let our money grow on its own - with a little help from our friends at the Wall Street and lots of prayers for better economic growth. However, in our own day to day routine, there are a lot of things that we could do. This is the part where we have a lot of control -the opening and closing of our own wallets.

I read a lot of "how-to's" from the experts and from other people who have better understanding of how the economy works. I'm thankful for their advice - some of them do make sense and some are just plain common sense. Why spend if you don't have anything to spend? I can say that credit cards are the culprits here as they are creating false purchasing power. People can easily acquire things without the necessary means to pay for it - money! Instead, we show a plastic card and along with it, a promise to provide the "money" at a future date.

Please don't get me wrong. Credit cards are good - if they are not abused. It is very useful if you don't want to carry cash with you. It also gives you a sense of security for emergencies and allows you to earn little perks ... airline miles, hotel points, cashbacks, redeemable points, etc. However, along with these little conveniences is the expectation of discipline and control when it comes to the use of the card.

Like any person in this planet, I also experienced the temptations first hand of having in my wallet something that I can use for things that I want, even though I don't need them and perhaps not have money to pay for it. I realized how hard it is to control myself when I see in front of me a really nice dress, or a fine furniture that will match my sofa, or a little something for my kitchen, living room, etc. The nice things just won't go away. They are there for the taking and I have the card to get them! Well, got my own share of card balance later on and some headache thinking how am I going to pay for it.

Thus my promise to be disciplined from now on. With the economic problems, I got to change my lifestyle. The change may not be drastic (since I don't have anything to spend lavishly on anything anyway in the first place), but will still help me feel better that I am not spending on unnecessary things.

First to go is my "tv/movie expense". Looking at my monthly expenses, I realized that I have subscriptions to the movies from the mail, weekly visits to video stores, elaborate cable TV memberships, and foreign TV programming subscriptions through the net. Come to think of it, I cannot really watch all of them in a month even if I allot a daily schedule for the movies. Perhaps I just wanted the feel of having them when I need them, but in reality, it's seldom that I would need them given my daily schedule.

Next to go would probably be my visits to the salon for my hair color. I am still young but I have premature greying so there is a need for me to color my hair. Gee! I feel pampered with my hair color sessions but with a cost of around $70 per visit, I'll just pick up a do-it-yourself color kit for $6.99 at the grocery and do my coloring at home.

I'm thinking of scratching off my frequent visits to the mall. I cannot only save money but save on gas as well and occasional heartaches brought upon by the realization that I cannot afford at the moment some things that I might want. Anything that you don't know won't hurt you... or anything that you don't see won't tempt you. I'm sure my spending would be less if I'm not in a place where there are things to buy. And be careful with the computer mouse at home. Be sure that they are not pointing on internet stores all the time.

There are probably a hundred ways to cut back on spending and be safe from the ups and downs of the economy. But the one thing that I cannot give up will be my love for eating out. It's great to just sit down in a restaurant and be served with food after a day's work at the office. I read a lot of articles saying that eating out eats your budget, but comparing the cost of a little sandwich in a restaurant with what you can make at home from the grocery, the difference is not that much. But the joy of sitting down and enjoying the food prepared for you is worth the extra money spent in these very uncertain times. I'll just be smart in choosing the place to eat - no dinner over $10 for me.

Trainings and Lectures

2008-10-03T21:50:00.001-07:00

It was a long day today as I attended a training to earn continuing education credits. As usual, one of the perks of being in a gathering of colleagues is food.... lots and lots of food. It seemed that every two hours breaks were given and participants had the opportunity to munch in pastries and other mouth-watering goodies.

Looking at the list of sessions, I thought I will daydream most of the time while pretending to listen. I already decided that today would be a boring day and considered myself as a captive audience of the speaker.

The first speaker was a small guy with a big memory. If there was something that made me listen to him it was his litany of all the new standards in the industry. He seemed to know all the titles, date published, pros and cons, and how they will impact the companies of every participant who were gathered that morning. The lecture was very technical and if you haven't read any of the business magazines around, you'll just probably let all the words flow from one ear to another. Nothing can be retained by the head without proper understanding of the concepts that he talked about. This session made me feel how "out-of-touch" I am (big time!) with what's going on with my own profession. Time for me to brush up on this topic.

The second speaker was a lawyer who talked about responsibilities and litigations. One thing that he made clear to everybody - you can be sued for anything! I bet he was able to effectively impart his message as each one of us seemed to be nervous after his lecture. People were talking about reviewing procedures, reports, policies, etc. Lawyers have their way of making people panic!

The third speaker seemed to command attention with his wit and charm. You can definitely tell if a person has the gift of gab. Even with the most boring topic (again, technical), he was able to make the audience interested. His powerpoint presentation was commendable - it included pictures of big bosses who we should watch out for (or probably avoid).

Before we were let go of the training room, a Microsoft certified trainer started talking about the new Excel - it's vast capabilities and user friendliness. I was really awed by the intelligence of the programmers who wrote the software. With the touch of the button, results of mathematical computations are displayed. No more long calculations and hours of figuring out thousands of data in a single spreadsheet. And talk about charts! You can have any data painted in various colors! It probably wouldn't matter whether your data is acceptable or not. With the new graphing capabilities of Excel, any financial table would probably be pleasing to the eyes. Who cares about positive and negative amounts? Sorting was a breeze, too! It doesn't matter if you have thousands of information - Excel can sort them in anyway you want it - in seconds!

What would happen to the business community without electronic spreadsheets? I dare not imagine. But while programmers are getting smarter and smarter, software users are becoming less mathematically adept as we are now reduced to memorizing clickable buttons than solving a particular equation. Well... technology has its pros and cons.

I believe the training ended well as I felt that I gained added knowledge. Though I thought at first that this would be a boring day, I was relieved to realize that the time spent inside the lecture room was time well spent after all. Besides, I enjoyed the food, too!

Poisons and Steroids

2008-09-29T21:04:00.001-07:00

I usually read a lot of write-ups about athletes taking steroids just to make sure that their performances are top notch. Hence, steroids for me became synonymous to strength, power, and shall I say, fame for the moment.... until somebody finds out. Never in my entire imagination, that I may be taking a little of this myself. Don't get me wrong... I did not do it on purpose. In fact, I was very scared when I learned that I have to take the drugs. They were prescribed to me by my dermatologist because believe it or not ... I got caught by poison ivy!!!

Me and poison ivy.... they don't go together. If you know me you're probably stare at me with wide eyes and dropped jaw. Why?! I am not a nature person at all! You will not see me even wander around our garden. My thumbs are nowhere near the color of green and I am not very happy with warm weather or buzzing bugs around me. In short, I'd rather stay indoors if there is no need for me to stay outside. I'll sit under the sun for awhile, but it should not be near any woods or tall grasses, or leafy bushes. I consider myself a metropolitan person - I'd like to be surrounded by tall buildings instead of tall trees. So, where did the poison ivy found me?!

My dermatologists asked me to think of situations wherein I have to be near plants or be in a countryside. Nothing came to mind. Our latest vacation was in Disney World and Washington DC. I'm sure Disney will never allow poison ivy's to even show up in any corner of their well maintained properties. Washington DC's Natural Museum surely will not display poison ivy's - just their pictures, maybe.

So, where did I get it? Hmmm.....

Well... I counted horses two months ago. Really exciting part of my job - to inventory horses. My derma was right - there was really a time when I was in a countryside. But believe me, I was covered from head to toe. Even under the heat, I was wearing three-fourths top, pants, and boots. I did not go near the trees, just near the horses which were grazing in an open field.

But I remember a horse which kind of developed some liking to us and started nudging our necks. Thinking about it, the horse probably has eaten poison ivy and transferred it to me when it started to nudge my neck!!! Whoa!!! I thought that was a cute gesture from the horse! But then, I wasn't the only person who was nudged by the horse. There were several of us there at that time - but it seems that I was the only one who got the poison ivy. Not fair!

Well, my dermatologist told me that poison ivy reactions differ from one person to another. In fact, that afternoon that I was in her office, I was the second person she saw with the poison ivy reaction. The first one got the rash after picking berries... but the surprising thing about it was that she was holding her baby while picking the berries! But guess what, the baby did not get it - but the mom did! I think the ivy's have their own minds as well and would like to pick out who they want to be "friendly" with. Again - not fair!

So, my prescription was to take 52 (10 mg) pills of steroids for over 14 days. Definitely - that was a shocker to me. Can I just have some topical creams, or perhaps cortisone to ease the itch? But then again, it was what the doctor ordered, so... got to follow.

The pills did wonder. The itch went away. Poison ivy got its match. Next time, I'll be very careful with anybody or anything that can possibly go near poison ivys.... including my husband who is an avid gardener - having been blessed with very green thumbs. He has to shower and change his clothes before he can go near me.

Gifts and Giving

2008-09-21T20:52:00.000-07:00

There are times when you don't know how to express your thoughts, though they are crowding your mind. Should you talk to somebody? Should you write them down? Well... I'll probably choose the latter as I do not want somebody to offer me their opinions. I just want to clear my mind and I'd like to avoid another opinion to ponder about. Blogging is the best way.... really!

My husband is having a birthday tomorrow! I have a lot of things that I would like to give him - a big screen TV, perhaps... or a nice exercise machine that we've been talking for ages. We have a space ready for all these and I might say, we've managed to save up a little bit to put a modest downpayment and pay the balance through interest-free six-months-to-pay payment scheme. I've thought about this and got myself excited as well. These are supposed to be birthday gifts to my husband, but surely, the whole family will enjoy as well.

Then, without us knowing, our family was having some discussions as well from across the globe. My brother announced that he is getting married. Well... great! But wait a minute... we're required to send our share for the wedding's expenses. What?!!! It wasn't our decision.... we don't even know that he was planning to get married and yet we're paying some of the expenses?! Well...yes! You see, we come from a country wherein the culture expects you to pay for your family's decisions, even though you were not even consulted in the first place. Once you are part of the family, you're expected to be part of their "financial team". Unfair and ridiculous, but you wouldn't have a choice because your family's name is at stake. Shame on your family if you cannot come up with a decent amount to pay for some family member's personal plans!

So our plans for big screen TV and other goodies will be put on hold. Whatever small amount that we have will be sent to the family member who abruptly decided to get married. I don't know what to say to my husband. I just have to deal with my own embarrassment for my family's indiscretions. They need the money... I have to send them what I've got. I feel bad, but I'll feel worse if I'll realize that I did not do the best that I could to help. You see, although I do not agree on how my brother involved us financially in his own wedding without any consideration if we have the resources to help out, he is still my brother and I love him.

Well... that's why I don't want to talk about it to anybody. I'll just write it down. I hope I'll feel better. My bank account will be less by $2,000 by tomorrow.